


Four Times Ned Chicane Hid His Ears (and One Time He Didn't)

by pleasekalemenow



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast), The Adventure Zone: Amnesty (Podcast)
Genre: Comedy of Errors, M/M, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Porn with Feelings, Secrets, because spoilers!, loose plot, neko
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-13 14:36:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18470956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pleasekalemenow/pseuds/pleasekalemenow
Summary: Set pre-canon, except for chapter five. Ned is half sylph, all horny.Little does he know, Boyd is in the same stupid boat.---------------Ned and Boyd had been committing felonies for about a year and a half when Ned decided he just couldn’t take it anymore.Sure, he’d wanted to jump his bones from the first day he saw him in his gas mask in a house they were both robbing, but, alas, things in Ned’s life were always, always so damn complicated. He was chronically horny, but there were also some things that prevented him from being totally nude in front of another person.Namely, two cat ears and a big, fluffy tail.





	Four Times Ned Chicane Hid His Ears (and One Time He Didn't)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [meowrails](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meowrails/gifts).



> Bas, I hope you appreciate the things I do for you

Ned and Boyd had been committing felonies for about a year and a half when Ned decided he just couldn’t take it anymore.

Sure, he’d wanted to jump his bones from the first day he saw him in his gas mask in a house they were both robbing, but, alas, things in Ned’s life were always, _always_ so damn complicated. He was chronically horny, but there were also some things that prevented him from being totally nude in front of another person.

Namely, two cat ears and a big, fluffy tail.

His mother had died when he was rather young, so he hadn’t have many memories of her, but he knew that she was, in fact, a cat person. (He tried not to think about what that spelled out about his father’s sexual proclivities.) He didn’t know how that was possible--he’d never met anyone else like that, nor had his father, and heaven knows his mother hadn’t given them much info to go off of. So, although he might not have understood the details, the facts were that he had some rather obvious physical traits denoting him as inhuman, and that tended to be a bit of a problem when getting down and dirty with someone.

However, that logistical issue had never helped Ned with keeping it in his damn pants, so really it was nothing short of a miracle that it took so long for him to break down when it came to Boyd. The night had started off normally enough. The two of them had just finished a job a few days ago and were waiting for things to die down, so they had some drinks, watched shitty horror movies, and, as per usual, got a little too close for coworkers, or even friends, honestly. This would be Ned’s ultimate downfall. He didn’t remember making the first move--or any move, really--but suddenly their lips were together in a flurry of heat and passion and _want_ and he knew there was no way he was talking his way out of this one--not this time. Not even if he really wanted to. Boyd’s mouth was hot on his and he was quickly climbing on top of Ned and he could feel Boyd’s erection pressing into his stomach as he straddled him and he just wanted to _fuck_ but aside from the fact that that was a terrible idea for him to do with his “business partner,” he knew what would happen: Boyd would flip, and Ned would have to go on the run fucking _again_ . He rather liked his current identity, thankyouverymuch, and he would rather not come up with another one, but _fuck_ he was hard and he wanted nothing more than Boyd’s dick in the hole just south of his tail, so he settled on a compromise.

“Jesus _fuck,_ Boyd, I don’t think I’ve thought about anything other than choking on your dick for the past 18 months.” This was a lie. He could think of 50 things he’d rather do off the top of his head, but giving head was a good start. “ _Please_ , can I just suck your dick?” He bit his lip to stop more words from spilling out, hoping that it looks sexy and not try-hard. To be honest, it had been a while.

It’s weird, but Ned could swear he saw some tension leave Boyd’s shoulders at that. “Well, love, I’ll be damned if I ever say ‘no’ to a question like that, especially when you’re asking so nicely.”

Ned let out a sigh of relief that he tried to disguise as a moan. He unbuttoned Boyd’s pants, eager to just take him in his mouth already, to see what he’d been picturing for so long because honestly a year and a half of making excuses to stay “platonic” was more than enough foreplay for Ned’s taste, was pulling his pants down when Boyd’s hands clapped over his.

“No! Ned, I--” Boyd took a shaky breath. “I’d really rather keep the pants on.” His breath was hot on Ned’s neck as he leaned close to whisper, “I want you to feel my zipper roughing up your lip as I fuck your face.”

A shiver ran down Ned’s spine. That wasn’t exactly his _thing_ , per se, but far be it from him to be picky when Boyd was so _close_ and release was so _near_. “Whatever you say, friend Boyd.”

Boyd chuckled hoarsely, grabbing a loose fistful of Ned’s hair. (He wished Boyd would pull a little harder.) “ _Jesus,_ Ned, can’t you just call me by my name?”

Ned smirked, looking up at his _gorgeous_ partner and palming his dick just to see how he’d react. “I don’t know, can’t you call me by mine?”

“I could if-- _ohbloodyfuckinghell_ \--shit, I could if you’d _tell me it._ ” Boyd’s head was leaned back, the angle making the fact that he was wearing a wig a bit more apparent. (Ned didn’t comment on this, obviously--if he commented on Boyd’s probable male-pattern-baldness, it might invite questions about his _own_ wig, and God knew Ned wasn’t ready to answer questions like that.)

“Now, now, all good things in time.” Another motion of his hand, another string of swears from Boyd. “One thing I won’t make you wait for, however…” He reached inside Boyd’s underwear to pull out his dick, more beautiful than he ever imagined, and gave it a lick along the underside of the shaft, from the base to the tip.

“ _Fucking Christ, Ned,_ ” Boyd breathed through clenched teeth. “Your _tongue,_ it’s…”

_Shit._

“Uh, sorry, I have low B12 levels--”

“ _It feels fucking amazing._ ”

It’s all Ned can do not to purr contentedly at that. Instead, he laps at the tip for a while, where there’s already pre-cum--seems like it’s been a while for Boyd, too--before deciding that the last year and a half has been enough of a test of his patience and he takes him in his throat, gagging around his cock and loving it.

“ _God,_ Ned, we should’ve done this so much fucking sooner, you’re so good, Jesus Christ…”

Like hell Ned was going to come up for air, so he simply moaned his affirmation around the dick in his mouth, eliciting a much louder moan from the other man. He bobs and sucks and licks, wishing that he was riding him instead but satisfied with this, for now. In fact--Ned quickly unzipped his own pants (because like hell was he going to risk his _tail_ being spotted) and began stroking his own cock, using some of the drool that was dripping down Boyd’s cock and Ned’s chin as lube. Boyd’s grip on his head tightened as the sounds of Ned jerking it joined the sounds of oral sex, and his hips started jerking forward in his mouth.

“Is--is this, okay, Ned?” Boyd still seemed to be holding back, so in response, Ned grabbed Boyd’s ass with his free hand and pulled him closer. Taking that as a yes, Boyd began fucking Ned’s face and _shit_ Ned might have just started jerking but this had been a rough fucking week and he knew he wasn’t going to last long.

Boyd trembled against him. “ _Shit_ , angel, I’m not going to last much longer.” Well, birds of a fucking feather, it seemed. Ned’s chest rumbled ever so slightly at the use of the pet name. Ned jerked himself off furiously, desperately chasing his orgasm as he moved his other hand from Boyd’s ass to his balls, having to twist his hand somewhat awkwardly to do so but hoping the result would be worth it. Boyd was almost yanking on his hair at this point and _hell_ if Ned wasn’t grateful for the number of bobby pins with which he’d affixed his wig to his head.

“ _Fuck_ _Ned I’m gonna--_ ” was all Boyd was able to get out before exploding down Ned’s throat. He gulped around his dick hungrily--it might have been a while, but given the fact that most of his sexual experience consisted of oral, Ned considered himself an expert on swallowing under...strenuous circumstances. “ _God_ , Ned, you’re so fucking _perfect_ , I can’t believe I fucking found you, _holy fuck._ ”

The praise was all it took for Ned to lose control, covering his hands and trousers in his own cum. He moaned wantonly around the cock that was still twitching in his mouth, the grip on his hair finally loosening as Boyd stroked his head lovingly, pulling out of his mouth with a _pop_ as Ned stroked himself through the remainder of his orgasm.

The two men sat in stunned, gasping silence on the couch side by side for a moment before taking a look at each other and smiling.

_Finally, a perfect partnership._


End file.
